I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
