I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
