in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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