I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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