Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
