Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
