I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
