just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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