you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize