Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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