I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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