my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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