Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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