He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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