he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
