she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
