wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
