You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
