I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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