I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
