so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
