Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
