so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
