I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
