Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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