they need to just BURY HIM!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
