So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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