Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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