Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
