Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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