I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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