i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
ok first of all what the fuck
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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