Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
