I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have fence marks all over my body
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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