He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
