32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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