waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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