just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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