hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
