whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
