That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
