Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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