Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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