Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
