I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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