Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
