I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's blow job season.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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