Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize