Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
