Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
