farters have to be the big spoon...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
