Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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