guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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