I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Shame - the story of my life.
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