You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
