is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
