Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
