You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
