there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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