i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize