dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
