i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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