im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
