Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
