My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
