T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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