are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She's the barista slut.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize