I must be too annoying 4 u.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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