Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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