I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
