why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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