after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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