you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
