Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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