That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize